


i can almost picture it

by Heyguysitsme



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Haircuts, Hurt/Comfort, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:14:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28666074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heyguysitsme/pseuds/Heyguysitsme
Summary: Kanan gives Ezra a haircut and thinks about what could've been.
Relationships: Ezra Bridger & Kanan Jarrus, Kanan Jarrus & Sabine Wren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 52





	i can almost picture it

They’d been nagging him about it for a while now, but Ezra had always avoided it. He liked his long hair. But recently it had just been getting in the way. Ezra meant to cut it quickly on his own, knowing everyone would make a big deal out of it, but he misplaced his scissors.

So he wandered from room to room in the Ghost, looking around.  _ Why couldn’t he find something as simple as scissors? _

Ezra didn’t even notice when he turned a corner and ran straight into Kanan.

“Woah there,” Kanan said, the datapad he was looking at almost dropping out of his hands. 

“Sorry,” Ezra muttered, shoving past him.

“Hey, whatcha doin?” Kanan asked, grabbing his shoulder.

“Just looking for some scissors,” Ezra said vaguely. “Have you seen any?” 

“I think there’s some in the kitchen,” Kanan said. “What do you need them for?”

Ezra shrugged, but subconsciously went to tuck a long lock of hair behind his ear. 

“You’re finally cutting your hair!” Kanan deduced. 

Realizing the ruse was up, Ezra gave in. “Yeah…”

“You know," Kanan said, "It’s pretty difficult cutting your own hair." Ezra did know this. He had been doing it for 7 years. “I could cut it for you, if you want,” Kanan suggested.

Ezra was about to instinctually decline, but then he noticed the odd expression Kanan was wearing. Ezra narrowed his eyes. “Why…?” He asked.

Kanan shrugged. “You could use a good, even haircut.” He said. “Plus I… wanna see something.” He said.

Ezra didn’t like how vague Kanan was being, but his expression wasn’t devious or mischievous. It was pensive… almost sad. He decided letting Kanan cut his hair wouldn’t be the worst thing in the galaxy. 

So they went to the main room on the Ghost, which had the best lighting, and Kanan grabbed the scissors from the kitchen. Ezra sat down and turned his head from side to side, watching Kanan collect what he needed before sitting behind Ezra. 

Ezra tried not to fidget too much as Kanan ran a brush through his knotted hair. He tried to think of the last time someone had touched his hair so gently and came up blank. 

Once Ezra’s hair lay smooth and silky, he felt Kanan tug at a small behind his right ear, sectioning it off from the rest. “What are you doing?” Ezra asked, a little too sharply. He adjusted his tone and said, “Is this part of the haircut?”

“I told you,” Kanan said. “I want to try something.”

Once the lock behind his hair was tied away from the rest, Kanan grabbed the scissors and started snipping. 

Hera walked in the room, carrying some tools she was bringing back down to storage after fixing something in the cockpit. “Hey guys, what’s- finally cutting Ezra’s hair!” She exclaimed.

Ezra grinned. “Figured it was time.”

“Oh thank the stars,” Hera said. “Make sure it’s even, dear,” she said to Kanan as she walked out. 

Kanan hummed absent-mindedly in response. He circled around Ezra, cutting hair close to the scalp lock by lock until Ezra’s head felt light and free. The only hair that remained was the chunk behind his ear. 

“I think you missed a piece,” Ezra snorted.

“No,” Kanan said, walking around until he was face to face with Ezra. He took the piece and sectioned it into three. To Ezra’s surprise, Kanan started braiding it.

“What…” Ezra trailed off. 

“When I was young,” Kanan said as he braided, voice tight, “All padawans would braid this piece of hair. It was a symbol of their learning… of their intent to become a jedi.”

“Oh.” Ezra said. Gazing in the mirror, he thought it looked kind of stupid. But he could tell this was important to Kanan.

“It connected them to the temple, to each other… to their masters.” Kanan tied off the braid, and took a step back, looking at Ezra with a faraway gaze. “Even padawans without hair would wear some sort of beads on their head to show their status.”

Ezra frowned, eyebrows furrowing together in thought. Kanan  _ never _ talked about the old ways.

At that moment, Sabine walked in, her helmet carried under her arm. “Hey guys, I’m-” Her eyes reached Ezra’s hair and she slapped a hand over her mouth, failing to stifle a laugh. “Oh, Ezra…” she snorted. Then she saw Kanan’s expression. She shot Ezra a look as if to say  _ what's up with him? _

“This is what all padawans would wear,” Ezra explained slowly, glancing at Kanan. “Before…”

Kanan sighed. “Oh Ezra,” he faltered. “I just wish...” 

Sabine’s cockiness was gone in an instant, and she sat next to Kanan, encouraging him to open up. Ezra could feel a deep longing, and an ocean of sadness building up through his bond with Kanan.

“It shouldn’t be like this,” Kanan said. “We should be living at the Jedi temple. Seeing you with a padawan braid like this… I can almost picture it…” Kanan continued to stare at Ezra as he spoke. “You should’ve learned to meditate in the reflection room, should’ve practiced techniques with Master Yoda, should’ve grown up around kids just like you.”

“Kanan…” Ezra reached out through their bond, trying to send across comfort and warmth, the way Kanan had done for him so many times.

“We should’ve been paired up the traditional way, not just because we’re the only two left. You could’ve met  _ my  _ master, and she would’ve helped me when I struggle with teaching. There’s so much I wish you could’ve had the pleasure of knowing.” Kanan said, voice cracking. “Oh Ezra, you’ve never felt it, but being surrounded by thousands of other Jedi, the way we all...  _ shimmered _ in the force…” Kanan bit his lip, blinking back tears. 

Ezra’s chest felt tight. He tried to picture a life where he grew up safe, surrounded by other force users. Tried to imagine thousands of Jedi, connected by culture and tradition, made one by the force. 

Instead he grew up watching star destroyers come to occupy his planet from his cold, lonely tower. 

“I’m really sorry,” Sabine said, breaking the silence with a raw but sincere tone that was rare to hear. “That- that it turned out like this.”

Finally Kanan looked away from Ezra, blinking hard a couple times and shaking himself out of fantasies of what could’ve been. “Well, it doesn’t matter now.” Kanan said harshly. 

He picked up the scissors and snipped off Ezra’s braid in one quick motion. 

Ezra’s jaw dropped, watching the braid fall to the floor. “Kanan!”

Kanan’s expression hardened, and he stood up, already grabbing a broom to sweep up the silky blue strands of hair that littered the floor. “The Empire would recognize it immediately,” he said simply.

There was no room for argument. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hey friends I just finished Rebels and have so many emotions! I have a lot of little headcanons and one shot ideas, so i might write more like this if you guys like it :)  
> Also lmk any mistakes. I use a lot of (...)s too so bear with me lmao


End file.
